I’m so tired that my body aches. I had one those days at work that makes you want to quit at that very moment.

The day was full of frustration, unreasonable deadlines and demands, and several little snide comments (including a few about the fact that I’ll be on vacation next week).

A few times during the day I even started daydreaming about all the things I would say to my boss if I was actually nuts enough to dramatically quit and leave for good right there and then!

But of course, I didn’t quit. Instead, I swallowed my anger and frustration and got through the day. I then came home so beat up that I was almost numb to my sweet boys’ smiles.

That is almost, because as any mom knows, your child’s smile (especially if it’s the toothy toddler kind) can melt even the biggest iceberg of a mood.

Just as I was about to calm down and forget about how mad I was, I remembered the snide comments about my vacation and the fire started again in my belly. THE NERVE!

I don’t understand why I can’t go on vacation without having a big work cloud over my head? And it’s never the right time…in fact, it feels like it’s always exactly the worst time.

I blame myself for taking it all so seriously. I see senior people (men!) at my company take vacations all the time and they don’t seem to sweat it like I do or feel as guilty. But oh no, not me, I’m all about guilt. And let us not forget my constant campaign for professional perfection. Even the thought of something I’m in charge of or even mildly involved in not going well drives me NUTS!

I know that not every day at work is all sunshine and roses but how bad do periodic dark times have to be to not be worth it?

 

First Word

What’s the first word you think of when you hear the word “cancer”?

Mine is “death.”

How can I (or anyone) not think of death when you’re told you have cancer.  I know, I know ~ cancer does go into remission, there’s surgery and chemo and it can, in simple terms, go away.  But

Beach scene with smiling sun

the word death is still there.

I’ve never been one to shy away from death.  Maybe it’s from a very strong faith/belief in what’s on the other side.  Maybe it’s from having lived an adventurous life that brought many interesting challenges, taking me to deep places inside myself.  And maybe it’s because I’m in my 30’s now ~ is it already the penultimate phase of my life?

Who’s to say!?

Interestingly though, this morning, standing in the kitchen putting together my breakfast of soygurt and berries, making my green drink of kale, carrots, ginger, turmeric, apple and cabbage, as well as making my lunch of garlic, red bell pepper, mushrooms and tofu sauteed in extra virgin olive oil (all organic) … I kept singing Bob Marley’s song Get Up, Stand Up, but instead of “for your rights”, I was singing get up, stand up, stand up for your life.

Definitely made me smile and chuckle.

Here’s to life!