Effing The Dog | Getting Things Done...Eventually - Eventualism At Its Finest: VP Vetting

Eventualism At Its Finest: VP Vetting

Written by Mike Vardy

Friday, 22 August 2008

While it’s common knowledge that the American Presdential Election is one of the ultimate shows of Effing The Dog at work (with each campaign getting underway every four years), there are instances of EffTD wrapped within this ongoing saga.

The whole thing kicks off with each potential candidate launching exploratory measures to see if they’ve got the chops to make it to the end of the marathon; soon followed by the rewarding primary season (named as such in that it lasts as long as a weather-based one); and then we finally go through the whole nomination process until a president is eventually voted for. Every step of the way on this journey is Eventualism working its gradual magic. In fact, I don’t think anyone would remember when this whole thing started was it not for the media throwing the current year into the mix - and then one has to subtract a year from that to remember when the first bit of campaigning got underway.

Right now, Barack Obama and John McCain are at the next step of the process: vetting for running mates.

It is widely contested (and by contested, I mean accepted) that Senator Obama will announce his choice for running mate any day now. He will be doing it via email and text message, thus ensuring that John McCain will never find out who the individual is since he does not know how to work a computer or mobile device. Thankfully, Xerxes reads all my emails and text messages to me, so I will know when you all do. As you all know, I do not read anything but audiobooks - and I’m wondering if Senator Obama wanted me out of the loop as well by figuring I would avoid printed messages at all costs. However, since I have read all of his audiobooks, I can only assume it was an oversight on his part, and eagerly await the audiobook version of his running mate selection to be released on Audible. My misplaced sources tell me it has a bonus chapter on who didn’t make the cut…and why.

As for Senator McCain, it has come down to a battle between his personal male nurse Steve, and the late Jack Palance.

In both cases, this vetting process has been very long and very drawn out - just how it ought to be. If either man is going to govern, he needs to know how to handle all aspects of delaying decisions until the last possible moment. Each candidate must realize this is a political game and not a high school prom scenario, where if you wait too long to ask the girl you’ve “crushed” on for four years if she’ll go with you, you will find out that she’s going with the man she ends up marrying and looks as hot as ever when you see her at your ten year reunion.

That, of course, is an analogy I can only fathom, as I’ve never experienced heartbreak and overwhelming pain such as that.

Metaphors, similes and analogies aside, the vetting process is eventual in nature by default. It takes almost forever to find faults in people these days with The Internet, global media and GPS so readily available. People know they’re being watched, so they don’t do stupid or damaging things any longer. It is not an easy task to find out if someone doesn’t wear underwear or is a little bit of a pervert. The nineties are over…welcome to the new millennium, people.

When the cat is finally out of the bag, we can all be assured that the search was both thorough, invasive and productive. But it will have been the best kind of productive. It will have been eventually productive.

And there’s nothing like Eventualism when it’s Eventualism Now.