Effing The Dog | Getting Things Done...Eventually

The Olympics are in full swing in China right now, as I've recently been made aware.  Rock Band does take a lot of my television viewing time up these days, especially since I can't drum my way out of a paper bag.  I had no idea that being booed by a virtual audience would have the same effect as the same being done by a live audience.  Video gaming sure has come a long way since Zaxxon.  No way those faux 3-D futuristic-looking barrels could've mocked my mad skills!

But, as usual, I digress.

What better way to pay tribute to the Olympics - a series of sporting events that not only eventually takes place, but eventually captures the hearts of the nations that happen to do well, than by giving my loyal EffTDers a countdown of the top 5 EffTD Olympic sports.  A quintathalon, if you will, of eventual performance.

5. Trampoline

When I was a young EffTDer, I'd jump a lot.  On the linoleum, the backyard steps, countless puddles, but with no bounce-back capabilities to speak of in those instances.  My momentum was killed before it could even be called momentum.  Then I gave my bed a shot, and that was a springboard to what came next.  When I finally discovered there was a device that was even better than my bed (a discovery that occurred after 3 bed replacements), I went through the roof.

After the roof was repaired and the dizzy spells subsided, I took the trampoline outside.  To this day I can remember countless useless hours on the contraption.  It was a feeling of freedom that comes along rarely in one's lifetime.  I could've won a medal doing it I was so good at it.

Jumping up and down is an age-old EffTD strategy; it scares others away from you and creates a basic forcefield around you as a result.  You can EffTD your days away on a trampoline.  And now you can get endorsements doing so.

4.  Shooting

There are several events involving shooting at The Games, which translates to lots of shooting.  Same goes with action movies.  Imagine The Lord Of The Rings with lots and lots of rifles.  That's a long stretch of shooting, and no food to come home with at the end.  The only hunt that occurs with these events is the hunt for another great way to EffTD.

3.  Wrestling

With the long entrance themes and drawn out storylines, I'm surprised the Olympics don't stretch into the winter.  Maybe wrestling is one of the reasons they split the summer and winter ones up.  Oddly enough, Kurt Angle seems to be the only wrestler ever with medals to show for his prowess here.  Strange.

2.  Water Polo

Also a tragic sport, as many horses drown every Olympic year.  If only Speedo would make scuba masks for these fine beasts, these tragedies could be averted.  The delays alone during each match make this a major, if not completely unnecessary, EffTD Olympic sport.

1.  Sailing

The only thing keeping this from not being an Olympic sport is that no alcohol can be present on the boat.

There you have it - even an EffTDer can seek and achieve Olympic glory.  All the ingredients are there - eventual training spanning four or more years; enough EffTD sports to allow one to thrive; free money to help you reach your objective (if the country is properly funding its athletes with the necessary amounts, like in Canada, for example); and the opportunity to piss it all away at the end - which happens quite regularly.

And no need to worry about performance-enhancing drugs - after all, they're a liability when you're Effing The Dog!

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