Sometimes I miss the person I was in high school. I’ll think back to those days and I alternate between cringing with embarrassment and laughing in that oh my god, I can’t believe I did that kind of way, but there are times when I think about the girl I was and can’t help but miss her a bit.
I was brash, outgoing and not afraid to speak my mind. I had quite the “I don’t give a f***” streak running through me; I was a bit of a rebel for a while. I wanted to be different, original; I wanted to be spunky and stand out. And as I got older I took some of that with me, but a lot of it I left behind.
Back then my most prized possession was a black filing cabinet that I kept my tapes in (RIP, cassette tape) and stuck all of my rock stickers on. Every time I went to a concert or into a head shop I’d buy a sticker to take home and put on my filing cabinet.
I loved how all the different stickers showed my tastes in music and I carted that filing cabinet with me everywhere. It went to my first apartment with me and off to college, to the apartment Dave and I shared together and back to my childhood home before finally winding up here in the cold cellar, dented and a bit rusty with a drawer that won’t close all the way, still full of tapes.
With our move less than a month away, Dave and I are doing as much purging as we can and a few days ago after cleaning out the storage room, he asked me if he could throw out my black filing cabinet.
Without giving it much thought, I said yes.
But last night as Dave and I were playing Guitar Hero and rockin’ out with our bad ass selves I got thinking about my beloved black filing cabinet covered in rock stickers and realized there’s no way in hell I can part with it. It’s not just a filing cabinet – it’s a piece of my history. It represents those reckless teenage days of mine and the person I was at the time, that somewhat crazy broad with purple hair who partied a bit too hard and wore her eyeliner too thick and thought maroon men’s dress pants and a ‘SID VICIOUS DEAD’ t-shirt was a stylin’ outfit.
It reminds me of my own individuality, which, now that I’m a stay-at-home mom with two kids and a minivan in the driveway, admittedly, I sometimes feel like I’ve lost for good. That filing cabinet is too much a piece of my younger self to throw away. After I finished wailin’ away on ‘Higher Ground’ I handed the guitar to Dave and told him that I didn’t want to toss my filing cabinet. I said it had to come with us even if it just sat in the basement and collected dust, which he assured me it would.
He kind of laughed at me, shot me an “Okaaaay, whatever” kind of look and said he’d ask me again later about it, confident I’d change my mind and give the ol’ heave-ho my approval. But I’m not changing my mind. The filing cabinet stays. I posted a review this morning over at Mama Says… on a family calendar/message center that you can download for free. Yes, FREE. I’m one step closer to organized chaos now that I’m using it, so check it out. It’s pretty cool.