Will we get hit by Mathew? Baltimore County has no idea what to do when it storms, they’ll probably cancel school – again. Which meant Laura’s daycare would also be closed for the day. Which meant I would have to take yet another day off from work, after missing three days last week to the plague.
But I was able to go to work after all! Did I leave the dog in charge of the baby while I was away? Nope! I was able to leave Laura with a dear friend, whose 7-month-old son is the same size as my peanut of a daughter. Laura had a day-long playdate, while I went to work worry-free. And even better? My friend documented the day in photographs for me!
I am so thankful to have so many great friends right near us that I can count on in a pinch. I would do the same for them in a heartbeat if called upon! That’s what friends are for.
NOTES FROM THE SICK BAY
Monday: Ok. This hearing thing is really starting to bug me.
Tuesday: Yeah, I’m definitely sick. But I’m going to stay at work anyway.
Wednesday: I can’t make it to work. But I think I can just sleep this thing off.
Thursday: Ok, maybe it’s time to see a doctor about this. What? Two ear infections AND a sinus infection?!
Sunday: Time to go back to the doctor. I hurt. What? Sinus infection not clearing up?
Sunday night: Wait a minute… I think this is a migraine. Ta-da! So now it’s Monday. I’m supposed to have off, since it’s Presidents Day and all. But I’m at work, making up a few hours. I’m finally feeling human again, and it’s a great feeling. Let me tell you. And if you were interested in watching the 1995 movie Now and Then, starring Demi Moore, Rosie O’Donnell and Christina Ricci? Don’t. It was terrible.
I squint a lot. I have a permanent crease on my forehead from the constant furrowing of my brow. I have worn glasses since I was 9 years old. I don’t know what it’s like to see with 20/20 vision.
Sometimes, as I squint at something in the distance trying to make a blurry image more clear, I wonder if maybe I am actually seeing in 20/20 and I just don’t recognize it. Surely, there comes a point even for people with perfect vision where they just can’t see clearly anymore. It’s not like people can see off into the infinite horizons. So maybe it’s normal when I can’t see this or read that. Maybe I’m looking for clarity where none should be expected. Maybe my vision (as corrected) is 20/20 after all, and it’s my expectations that are flawed.
I sometimes feel this way about my happiness. I am squinting my eyes, furrowing my brow, striving to feel a happiness I do not know. I never feel quite happy enough. Is my dissatisfaction a normal feeling, or am I unhappier than most? Am I reaching for a level of happiness that isn’t attainable? Am I trying to see clearly off into the distance? Maybe I am as happy as can be expected of anyone at any given time. Maybe my happiness is 20/20 after all, and it’s my expectations that are flawed.
For a long time, I had a check-list of everything I thought I needed to do to make my life complete. Get a job. Get married. Get a degree. Have a baby. I checked each of those off my list, one by one; each was supposed to make me feel fulfilled and happy. Instead of feeling fulfilled and happy, I feel restless. Ok, I had the baby. Now what? Um, how about enjoy the hilarious, beautiful smart little girl? Maybe I should put that on my list: learn to appreciate the moment.
Maybe my life – my vision, my happiness – is 20/20 after all, and I just don’t know it.